


rosary to you

by Skylark



Category: Ragnarok Online
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Character Study, Character of Faith, Character(s) of Color, Enemies to Friends, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderqueer Characters, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, MVP Hunting, Mentions of Fictional Religion & Theology, Other, Video Game Mechanics, World Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-07-19 12:23:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19974028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylark/pseuds/Skylark
Summary: It was a shock that she'd had Phreeoni to herself for even this long, but whitesmiths were nothing if not greedy. Then she saw the color and cut of the other person's outfit and her expression brightened. "You're too close," she shouted, "but if you come over here, I'd appreciate a heal!"The person's head turned. For a second, their eyes locked. Then the priest lifted their weapon, a mace almost as large as Rui's own battle axe—andswung.Rui, a self-sufficient MVP hunter, has everything: more zeny than she knows what to do with, a friendly guild, and a thriving business. Then she meets a priest on her hunts who goes against the grain in every way possible.





	rosary to you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [echoslam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/echoslam/gifts).



> This is based on RO Classic, with a few flairs of RO Mobile. **Please see the end notes for detailed content tags that may spoil the story**.
> 
> RO was also my first MMO love, and I do hope you enjoy. Thank you to my beta-readers Azusa and Kris.

Rui loved the desert. 

In the sun, everything glittered: the metal band that decorated her headgear, the axe in her hands, the MVP's hide, and most importantly, the golden hail of endless coins. Phreeoni was fast but Mammonite was faster, and the rattle of zeny nearly drowned out Phreeoni's roars as it twisted and struck at her. 

Adrenaline pounded through her veins as she swung, a wild grin splitting her face. Her arms ached and her skin prickled from the desert heat, but neither could hold her attention for long. Her focus was consumed by the strength pouring through her and the sudden glint of terror in Phreeoni's eyes as its health dropped.

So she didn't notice the interloper immediately.

In the glare of the sun, blocked by the bulk of Phreeoni's body, it took several minutes before she saw them. It wasn't much, a flap of cloth catching her attention like a banner as the person came around to Phreeoni's blind side. Rui frowned and moved back, pulling Phreeoni with her and away from her new rival.

It was a shock that she'd had Phreeoni to herself for even this long, she thought to herself, but whitesmiths were nothing if not greedy. Then she saw the color and cut of the other person's outfit and her expression brightened. "You're too close," she shouted, "but if you come over here, I'd appreciate a heal!"

The person's head turned. For a second, their eyes locked, and Rui was struck by the indifference of their stare.

Then the priest lifted their weapon, a mace almost as large as Rui's own battle axe—and _swung._

Blows rained down upon Phreeoni almost faster than Rui could see. The priest moved like water, shifting their weight to chain their swift attacks with ease. Rui's jaw sagged open in shock. Her axe slowed, and Phreeoni in that instant turned to strike at the priest.

The priest ducked and swerved, narrowly avoiding Phreeoni's advancing blows until a glancing hit sent them staggering. A second drove them to their knees. "Heal!" Rui shouted, before she caught herself. The priest was fighting her for the MVP; shouldn't she be glad that they were struggling?

But they're a _healer,_ a small voice in her mind argued. It was almost second nature to protect a priest.

The priest struggled back to their feet, driving their mace into the sand as they heaved themselves upward. Rui's attacks intensified, trying to buy the priest enough time to Teleport away, but instead the priest swung their mace onto their shoulder. They spit blood to the side, sizing up Phreeoni with a wary squint. The sunlight shone from behind them, casting them in sharp relief; they looked almost larger than life, as if Rui were the interloper instead.

Then they lunged forward again, landing a flurry of blows.

"Are you stupid?" Rui cried. At this point she'd done enough damage that no one could take the MVP title from her, and since Phreeoni was still standing despite the dual onslaught of attacks, the priest must be doing almost no damage. "Just run!"

The priest didn't even glance at her. They continued to fight until Phreeoni turned and struck them again, and then they fell.

Rui didn't have time to look at them after that; with all the distractions, her own health had fallen worryingly low. Between gulping down white potions and dumping a veritable avalanche of zeny onto Phreeoni, she barely had time to breathe until the MVP groaned and collapsed, all of its eyes closing or glazing over in death. Its wing-like arms oozed across the sand like spilled jelly as it died.

She stood over its corpse, panting and feeling dizzy from the desert sun. It was always like this—her buffs wore off and suddenly all of her body's aches clamored to make themselves known.

She could use a healer, she thought with an exhausted giggle. But when she turned to where the priest had fallen, they were already gone.

\--

Rui returned to Prontera singing, her cart stuffed full of trophies. Crescent Moon Guild was rather small, and a quick round of messages brought her guildmates from all the far-flung corners of Rune-Midgard. 

"Phreeoni again?" Harkin said, peering into the cart. He reached for a Scary Mask and Rui batted his hands away, laughing.

"You already have two," she said. "Ridley said she wanted one."

"Ridley won't use it," he said with a huff. But then Ridley arrived and swooped upon the mask with a cry of glee, and that was that.

They always convened in the same spot, a Pronteran side street shaded from the summer sun by wide-spreading trees. They laughed at Rui's newly lightened purse and talked about whose armor they might upgrade with the elunium she had gathered. 

"Which MVP should I go for next?" she asked, and a dozen voices shouted in reply. Some suggestions were vetoed quickly—"Ugh, not Geffen Dungeon, that place gives me the _creeps_ —" and to others she replied, "Nah, I can't solo that one."

"What's the point of a guild if you don't want to party?" Ridley asked, lifting her new Scary Mask to take a bite of meat. Her armor was dappled by the shifting light coming through the trees, the guild's crest emblazoned on her tabard.

"Hey, I like partying!" Rui said. "Remember when we went to Ayothaya dungeon that one time?"

"Do I _ever,_ " Rose groaned, fanning herself. "Healing all twelve of you by myself was _hard work_ —"

"I just don't like sharing MVPs, that's all," Rui said.

Harkin donned his own Scary Mask just to make a point.

"Sharing the kill," she clarified. "It makes me feel...accomplished, I guess. I like that I _can_ do it by myself, so it makes me want to do it."

Luna, the guild leader, shook her head. "Well, we appreciate your generosity," she said. "With all your contributions, we might even be ready to try War of Emperium soon."

"Please don't say you're going to solo the emp," Somerdai said.

"I'm totally going to solo the emp," Rui said with a grin, and stole Ridley's meat to take a bite.

\--

The next evening found Rui fighting Orc Hero. It was cloudy, with a crescent moon just visible in the sky, and she felt like it was her guild cheering her on. 

The cliffs that surrounded her on all sides were craggy and harsh under the moonlight. The skeletons of ruined buildings creaked in the cold wind. The setting was different, but the battle was the same—Power Thrust and Adrenaline Rush, axe swings that took all of her strength, showers and showers and showers of coins. There was an assassin fighting her for the MVP, but he wasn't able to keep up with Rui's sheer damage output, so she didn't pay him much attention. She just hoped that the assassin was trying to solo, like her, and wouldn't call friends to help.

When she saw a flash of purple and the gold cross emblazoned across a newcomer's chest, her muscles tensed in anticipation. She waited for the buffs to hit the assassin and make him a real threat, but they never came.

Instead, the priest pulled out a mace. Rui's eyes narrowed, looking more closely: the priest had a familiar breadth of shoulder, a familiar clench in their jaw. "Hey, wait, aren't you—"

"Friend of yours?" the assassin panted.

Then the priest stepped forward, crouching down as if squaring off for a boxing match, and swung their mace up in a ferocious uppercut. The Orc Hero grunted in surprise.

"What the fuck," the assassin yelled as the flurry of mace strikes rained down. For a moment, he actually stopped attacking to stare at the priest. Rui called out another Loud Exclamation as the effects of the previous one ran out, and under the influence of the buff her laughter echoed off the cliffs.

"Careful, they're gonna steal it from you," Rui teased.

"They're as fast as me! Yo, homeslice, the fuck is wrong with you? Who wants to be an _agi_ priest?"

They were both ignored. Rui, delighted, tossed the priest a white potion. They snagged it out of the air and stared at it with surprise, and their eyes met for the first time since the priest had arrived.

"If you're not gonna heal, you could use some pots," Rui says. "This MVP's still mine, though. You're too late, so you might as well just stay back."

The priest dropped the white potion on the ground and lifted their mace again. By this point the assassin had cloaked and left, disgusted by the competition, and so Orc Hero turned its attention to the priest instead. It didn't take long before the priest was crumpled on the ground again, dead.

Rui sighed and shook her head. "What a waste," she said, and was surprised by how much she meant it. 

Then she looked at the MVP and grinned. "It's you and me, huh?" she said, hefting her axe. "Just the way I like it." 

A few short exchanges later, Orc Hero collapsed and she was alone in the middle of the clearing.

Rui retrieved the rejected white potion from the ground and turned it over in her hands. "They didn't even try to use it," she murmured before using a butterfly wing to teleport back to Prontera.

\--

Rui saw them a lot over the next few weeks. Eddga, Mistress, Garm. The priest actually got to some of the MVPs first, which just meant she got to watch them die before she was even in range.

She didn't like competition for MVPs, but it was hard to think of the priest as a rival when they were so... ineffective. Rui started telling her guildmates about it, and soon they were almost as eager to hear whether she'd sighted the strange priest again as they were to see what loot she'd brought back. With each of Rui’s excursions, the guild slowly grew richer, and her business boomed with the sales of leftover drops that her guild couldn't use. Rui shared Kafra storage with her alchemist brother to manage their shop's wares, but most of his white potions ended up being used in Rui's MVP hunts. "You're killing my profits," her brother said. "It's _such_ a bad habit."

"You made ten million on the last slotted jurs we sold," Rui said, but her brother just rolled his eyes.

It wasn't just white potions that started to deplete over the next month or so. Rui tried using yggdrasil leaves to revive the priest once they died, but it only meant they died four or five times a fight instead of one, and after a while she stopped out of pity.

She switched to blue potions instead, wondering if they didn't use skills because they had low MP, but that just made the priest glare at her as if she was wasting time and zeny. Which, well, she probably was. She stuck to white potions after that, wishing she could Pitch Potions like her brother. 

One time the priest showed up after the MVP was freshly killed and found Rui placing white potions all around the body, as if it were some kind of burial rite. Even that didn't get them to say anything. They just looked at her, blank and a little bewildered, until Rui gestured impatiently at the potions. "Learn to take a hint," she said, grinning. "'Physician, heal thyself!'"

They stared at her for another moment before stepping forward. They bent down and picked one up, pausing before reaching for the next one.

Rui watched for a while, wondering if she'd scare them off if she distracted them. _Like a stray cat,_ she thought. 

"Hey," she murmured after a minute or two. The priest hesitated, hand hovering above the last potion. "Do you want to party or something? The experience loss must be terrible, and you'll make more progress that way."

Their hand twitched above the potion. Then they picked it up and walked towards Rui, their steps soundless in the grass. Close up Rui could see that their eyes were a shifting hazel color, and tilted slightly downward at the corners. 

Then they pushed all the potions back into Rui's hands. 

"No," they said. Their voice was a gentle contralto but their expression was resolute. The priest turned and left, and as they passed the MVP its corpse vanished into nothing. 

Rui knew she shouldn't take it personally; if anyone understood wanting to solo MVPs, it was her. But it didn't make any sense, because the priest _couldn't_ do it. It felt—Sisyphean, she thought. Self-defeatist. She couldn't imagine keeping at something for that long if nothing good came of it. 

\--

The summer's heat was just starting to break, and Rui was lounging with her back propped up against her cart, crunching through an apple as she flipped through her favorite well-worn book of poetry. Business was slow that afternoon, so she made it most of the way through before a person stopped by.

"Welcome to Silverhand Supplies—oh! It's you!" she said, scrambling to sit upright.

The priest nodded, their eyes flicking from one side to the other before settling on the cart. She brightened at once. "Do you see something you like?" she said. "Take a close look, you won't find potions and equips of this quality just anywhere! They're the very best our family has to offer!"

The priest bent over the cart and Rui leaned back, giving them room. She couldn't stop herself from scrutinizing them while they were distracted; they died so quickly that she'd never gotten a good look before.

She sized up the mace at their hip. It was big, but with her eye for weaponry, that was about the only nice thing she could say about it. "I take commission work too, you know," she added. "Your mace is pretty basic, and it's not even slotted. You'd do better against the MVPs with an upgrade! I could fix you up with something really nice, how about it?"

They shook their head distantly, as though they barely heard her. 

"You could probably get a nicer mace too if you farmed some monsters, instead of going after MVPs all the time," she said. 

That seemed to get their attention. "I'm not changing my equips."

"Is it the cost? You must not be making a lot of zeny if you keep dying, huh," Rui said sympathetically, and the priest tried to mask a flinch. "I admire your courage, though. From one MVP hunter to another, I'll give you a discount! What would you like?"

"I'm still looking," the priest mumbled, a trace of petulance entering their voice. Rui blinked, stepping back.

"Of course, of course," she rushed to assure them. "Take your time."

Minutes passed but they still pored over the items in her cart as if they were some great unsolved riddle. Eventually Rui sighed and went back to her book. Priests rarely stole anything, but she kept her customer in her peripheral vision just in case.

Finally, she heard the clatter of glass against glass, and looked up to see them lift the cart's entire supply of white potions in their arms.

"These," they said.

Rui bit back a laugh. "You'll pay me for them, but you wouldn't let me give them to you for free?"

"I want these," they repeated. Rui was starting to suspect that this was the most stubborn person she'd ever met.

"Well, I said I'd give you a discount, so 2.5k each for the condensed white pots and 500 each for the regular white pots, what do you say?"

The priest frowned. "I don't like charity."

"Can you afford more?" she asked with a raised eyebrow, and their frown deepened. "It's my shop, and that's my price. Take it or leave it."

The priest nodded at last, and the zeny exchanged hands.

"What's your name?" Rui asked. They looked up with wary surprise. "So I know who to put on the receipt."

"I don't need a receipt."

"Store policy," she said with her brightest smile. "100% satisfaction or your zeny back, no questions asked."

They hesitated, their large hands fiddling with the crucifix that dangled from their belt. "Ha-neul," they said.

"Nice to meet you," she said, offering the slip of paper. Ha-neul took it, careful not to let their fingers touch. They tucked the potions into their pack and shouldered it, seemingly unbothered by the weight. Then again, they probably had enough strength to handle it.

They left without another word and without looking back. Rui watched them disappear into the mid-afternoon crowd.

\--

Ha-neul was still alive at the end of their next fight. Rui had been the MVP, of course, and it helped that the two of them had only been fighting Angeling, but all things considered she felt that they were equal accomplishments. 

"I think if I tried to drink that many potions that fast, I'd be sick," she said. She wasn't sure whether to feel admiration or dismay. Ha-neul shrugged.

"I'm out of potions now anyway," they said. "I don't really see what the point was."

"You don't see the point of not dying?" Rui asked, her brow wrinkling. Ha-neul shrugged again and moved to leave, but Rui took a step forward. 

"Hey, wait."

They paused, turning back. 

"You don't have any butterfly wings, do you?" she said. "Do you want to walk back to Prontera together?"

Ha-neul searched her face, their expression going from confusion to faint annoyance. "I don't need a bodyguard," they said.

Rui laughed. "I doubt you need a bodyguard against porings," she agreed. "I just thought, since we were going the same way anyway, it'd be less awkward than me trying to keep my distance or whatever."

Ha-neul sighed and started walking again. "All right."

Rui grinned and hurried to catch up. When walking side by side, her head barely cleared their shoulder. 

The two of them walked for a few minutes in silence before she said, "I never introduced myself before, when I asked for your name. I'm Rui."

"I don't need your help, Rui," Ha-neul replied softly.

"I'm starting to figure that out," she said. She linked her hands behind her head and stared up at the sunset-stained sky, smiling when Ha-neul glanced at her. "I just don't meet a lot of other people who really go after MVPs like I do. It's something we have in common—bravery or stupidity, I don't know. My guildmates like to argue over which one it is." She laughed.

Ha-neul didn't reply, but some of the tension in their shoulders eased.

"So, you're an agi melee priest who can't heal," Rui said. "What skills do you have, then?"

"Mace Mastery," they said. "Increase Agility. Blessing."

Rui waited for more, but after the silence stretched for too long, she spluttered. "That's _it?_ Not even Impositio Manus? Not even _Kyrie?_ "

Ha-neul looked a little abashed. "I don't know a lot about priests," they admitted. "I was going to be a monk."

Rui's mouth dropped open. "Oh, that's why you fight like that! I can see it. I can totally see it!" she said, leaning towards them. They leaned away. "Oh my gosh. What made you switch?"

Ha-neul's expression shuttered. There was a long pause where they said nothing, looking down. They fiddled with their outfit's wide brown cuffs, fingers rubbing against the gold crosses embroidered at the wrists. Rui was about to apologize for her nosiness when they suddenly answered.

"It was all serving the same gods anyway." The corner of their mouth slowly lifted. "And priests get to wear thigh highs."

Rui stared for a moment, her mouth sagging open in shock, before she burst into laughter. 

"You're ridiculous. You don't make any sense at all," she said. "Basing your whole life path on…" she started to giggle again. "I really don't understand you."

"No one asked you to," Ha-neul said.

"I think I get the most important parts, though," Rui said, swinging her arms to stretch her shoulders out. She could still feel the burn in them from the earlier fight. "You care about something, even if I don't get what it is. And you don't give up, and I can admire that."

Ha-neul stopped walking. They turned to look at her, confused and—upset, Rui realized with surprise. "You don't understand at all," they said. "And honestly, it's none of your business."

Rui stopped too, feeling a strange mixture of offense and shame. "I'm not saying you're a novice," she said slowly. "But when you see a novice taking on things they can't fight, and dying over and over, naturally you want to help them, don't you?" She lifted her gaze to theirs. "When someone keeps dying like this, doesn't it mean they need help? Why won't you let me help you?"

Ha-neul frowned at that. They turned away, looking across the grassy plain of Prontera South. The quiet bursts of birdsong and the burbling of the river winding its way towards Izlude were interrupted by the shouts of novices chasing after porings. The sun had almost set, but there was just enough light to make out Prontera's high walls in the distance. 

"I didn't ask for help," Ha-neul said.

"I'm offering."

"I don't—" 

"You definitely need the help," Rui interrupted. " _Look_ at you." She pointed at a large tear across the white cloth at their throat. In the ragged gap, Rui could see beads of blood following a shallow gash across their chest. "It was just Angeling, and it still nearly killed you."

Ha-neul bit their lip, looking away quickly. After a moment, Rui heard a hollow laugh.

"It's not like I can stop you," they said. "Do whatever you want." After that they set off at a determined pace, their long strides rapidly putting distance between them. Rui didn't try to follow.

\--

Angeling had dropped the rarest of prizes: a card, and Rui took her whole guild out to celebrate. They spent the evening in the guild's favorite pub with everyone crowded around the small bar piano. Rui liked to play and the others loved to egg her on, asking for everything from bawdy sailor's ballads to high class waltzes. "Play The Harmonious Blacksmith!" Somerdai called out, and Rui laughed and obliged her, her fingers skipping over the keys.

It was a good evening, and the next few days were a flurry of work as she tried to get her hands on armor worthy of slotting an Angeling card into. She let her brother run the shop and split her attention between contacting other merchants in a hunt for a good deal, and trying to create new armor herself. It had been a while since she'd worked at the forge, and the strain on her muscles as she pulled steel and struck with the hammer was both similar to, and different from, the weight of a whirling axe in her hands. 

She tried not to think about Ha-neul. She refused to make a mace even though her fingers were itching to.

Eventually she ran out of elunium and was getting antsy from staying within the city walls anyway, so she dropped off her last batch of almost-but-not-quite-good-enough armor with her brother to sell. Then she headed to Gonryun, eager to visit the most far-flung place she could think of.

She was in the middle of fighting Evil Snake Lord when she reached for her belt and encountered empty air where a potion bottle should have been. She'd forgotten to replenish her healing supplies before she set out. Evil Snake Lord was a tough opponent on a good day, and she'd been trading hits fiercely without care for her HP.

She tried to run away, but she was caught in a Frost Diver and frozen solid. Her health dropped fast and she began to panic, a sick wave of dread rising in her stomach. She hated how it felt to die, the way every sense would white out with pain, and the nightmare feeling of waking up in town with every cell in her body screaming. She didn't want to feel it now.

She was down to her last thread of health when she felt a rush of energy fill her veins, effervescent like champagne bubbles. _Heal_ , she realized, a small one. A second later, Cure freed her from the ice. She slipped on the frozen floor and fell to her knees before scrambling back up again, looking for the priest and yelling for buffs.

It was Ha-neul, looking at her with wide eyes.

 _"Get out of here!"_ they yelled and launched themselves at Evil Snake Lord, slamming their mace into its scales with a dull thud. Evil Snake Lord turned and snapped at their arm, and Ha-neul bit back a grunt of pain.

Rui hesitated. Ha-neul’s eyes darted to her. "I said _go!_ " they gritted out before vanishing under a wave of evil cloud hermits.

It shook her out of her panic and she clutched a butterfly wing in her fist. It got her back to Gonryun, injured but alive. She rushed to the town's respawn point to see if Ha-neul was there, but it was several minutes before they appeared.

"You could heal this whole time?!" she shouted, ignoring the stares she drew. Ha-neul was swaying on their feet, new exhaustion showing in their eyes and an alarming pallor beneath their tan skin. She lunged to catch them before they fell over. "Heal yourself! Right now!"

Inexplicably, they shook their head. "It doesn't matter," they mumbled.

Rui nearly screamed at the pointlessness of it. "Then _sit,_ you idiot!" she ordered, pushing them into a kneeling position. They were nearly twice Rui's size but they went down easily, which only worried her more. "What did you do that for, anyway? You could have saved yourself!"

Ha-neul leaned against her, eyes closed. "It doesn't matter," they repeated, softly as if to themself. 

Rui reached out and shook their shoulders, getting them to open their eyes. "Stay with me," she said. "Can I call someone for you? A friend, or someone from your family?"

Ha-neul shook their head. "I'll recover in a minute," they said, their voice watery. "Don't worry about me."

"If you don't want me to worry about you, stop doing this to yourself! It's not funny anymore!" 

Ha-neul responded with a thin laugh.

"I'm glad you're okay," they gasped, not an answer. They reached up to touch her, their fingers weak against her shoulder. "I couldn't...again."

\--

When Ha-neul woke up they were lying under a soft blanket, with their pack under their head as a pillow and a small fire going nearby. They winced, feeling light-headed. 

"We're still in Gonryun," Rui's voice said to their right. Ha-neul's eyes flashed open to find Rui watching them, her expression unreadable in the firelight. "How are you feeling?"

Her breath plumed in the air as she spoke. They were surrounded on all sides by mist as a cloud settled around the high floating city, obscuring its pagodas and willows. If she hadn't mentioned where they were, Ha-neul could have imagined they were anywhere; only the thin, cold air gave Gonryun away.

Their head pounded with a familiar ache. They knew by now that reviving undid the lasting damage of a concussion but didn't make it hurt any less, as if trying to rub in a lesson that Ha-neul refused to learn. Their entire body throbbed with remembered pain, even though their skin was once again clean and unmarked. 

"I'm fine," Ha-neul said.

Rui didn't push for once. She seemed content to just stare into the fire, her knees tucked beneath her chin. "Good."

There was a short silence. Ha-neul cast the blanket aside and sat up. "You didn't have to stay with me."

Rui shook her head. "I don't even know how many times you've died," she said. "Maybe you're used to it by now." Her gaze dropped from the fire to her shoes, and her tone softened. "But I'm not." 

Ha-neul didn't respond, watching fear flit across her face. 

A beat passed before she said, "I didn't thank you earlier for saving my life. Making up a fire and keeping watch while you recovered was the least I could do in return."

"You don't owe me anything," Ha-neul said.

"Don't reject kindness," Rui answered, a touch of her usual fire in her voice. "It's bad manners."

There was an awkward pause, which Ha-neul broke with a mirthless laugh.

"How do you know I saved your life?" they asked.

Rui's gaze slid towards them, baffled. "You healed me. Without it, I didn't have enough health to last another hit."

"But you wouldn't have died," Ha-neul said. "Not really. You would have revived in town. Did it matter that I healed you? I saved you some experience, but you'd make it back eventually. All I did was save you some time."

"And pain," Rui whispered. "I was afraid. You saved me from that."

Ha-neul closed their eyes. They remembered how dying used to feel—the flash of agony, tempered by the certainty that they'd come back. It would hurt, but they'd survive it.

Instead, every time now Ha-neul thought, _Is this it?_

Rui was still watching them. There was a tired look in her eyes that Ha-neul recognized from their own face in the mirror. _Dying takes it out of you._

"So? Are you going to stop hunting MVPs now?" Ha-neul asked.

Rui frowned. "Why would I do that?"

"Fear."

"That never stopped you, did it?" she said. "And you have a lot more to fear than I do."

Ha-neul turned away from her, mouth pressed into a grim line, reaching for the blanket and tucking it close around their shoulders.

"What happened?" she asked softly.

They didn't answer. The silence stretched out, broken only by the cracks and pops of the fire. 

Ha-neul still remembered the weight of the body tumbling into their arms, the weak voice saying, _Don't worry. I'll find you later._ Remembered the screams and the smoke. Remembered the refugee camp, the endless days fighting off monsters, praying, waiting. For a moment Ha-neul felt like they were back there, seeing the unforgiving sun beating down upon the ragged tents as every breath pulled moisture from their lungs.

Then they opened their eyes and found only gray mist and Rui's eyes, reflecting the firelight.

"I was from Morroc," they said. Rui drew in a sharp breath. "When the city was destroyed, the revive point—"

"Oh, gods," Rui said in a small voice. "Ha-neul, I'm so sorry."

Ha-neul shook their head, clenching their jaw so tightly that their teeth ached.

"You asked why I became a priest," they said. Rui nodded, though the look on her face said she already knew the answer. "I—I just." They took in a sharp breath, biting the word out. " _Resurrection._ I just thought that if I—but it didn't matter. That's not how it works." They let out a bitter laugh. "Fists or magic, it doesn't matter. I can't do anything. I can't save anyone."

"You saved me."

"You can't _save_ people," Ha-neul snapped, whirling to face her. "You can't _fix_ this. I thought maybe if I died enough I could understand, what they must have—" their voice broke. Ha-neul turned away, scrubbing a hand across their face. There was a terrible silence.

Eventually Ha-neul heard rustling as Rui scooted closer. They flinched when she rested her head on their shoulder, but didn't move away.

"You're right," she said. "I don't get it. I've never lost anyone. Even my grandparents are all still alive. I'm a merchant from a merchant family, I've always known how my life was going to go. I don't know what I'd do in your place. But...I don't think you're doing the right thing." She took a deep breath. "No, I'm certain of that. There has to be something better."

"Like what," Ha-neul said, flat.

"What about the vows you took? You said the monk and priest ones were the same. What were they?"

"To protect people. To help the weak." Ha-neul gave a bitter laugh. "I've already broken those."

Rui didn't argue, though they could tell she wanted to. She just hummed, reaching out to slowly entwine their fingers in hers. They could feel the warmth of her body pressed all against their side, and was the most physical contact they'd had in months. Ha-neul shuddered, hating and craving it all at once.

"I know you want them back," she said. "Anyone would want that. And you're right, that's impossible. So then, what do you want to _do?_ You're a priest now, but if you still want to fight MVPs, you could do that. You can learn skills and get better equipment. You couldn't kill them _all_ but you could help in Glast Heim, and other places where the demons and undead live. Is that what you want?"

"I don't know," Ha-neul said.

Rui nodded; they could feel the movement against their shoulder. "Think about it," she said. "But _actually_ think about it, don't just keep getting killed by MVPs so that your head's too scrambled to think straight. It's important."

"Is it?" they mumbled. 

"I think so," Rui said. "I think there's a lot of good work that needs to be done in the world, and maybe you could do some of it. It's just a question of whether you want to."

Ha-neul took in a deep breath. When they let it out, nothing was different. They could still feel the knot of grief in their throat. Their head hurt worse than before from struggling not to cry. Morroc was still a hole in the ground. But Rui was still there, too, using a long stick to poke the glowing coals.

"Get some rest," she said. She put the stick down and tucked the blanket closer around Ha-neul's shoulders, taking some for herself. "You need it."

"I don't—"

"Looking at you makes _me_ tired," Rui interrupted. "Do it so I don't get early wrinkles."

It didn't make any sense, and Ha-neul snorted at how silly it was. Still, it felt enough like permission that they let their head tilt to rest against hers. She made a soft pleased noise and snuggled against their side.

"It's cold," she said. "I'm glad you're here."

They waited, listening for Rui's breaths to even out in sleep, before they let their eyes finally close.

\--

Rui didn't hear from Ha-neul for several weeks after that. She'd given them her contact information before parting ways in Gonryun, but she didn't receive any notes.

"Cheer up," Ridley said, sliding a jar of honey across the table. Rui took it automatically—her love of sweet things was hardly a secret—and murmured her thanks, but her eyes remained locked on the guild hall's mailbox. Ridley sighed, nudging her with an elbow. "Stop that."

"You've got to get over them sometime," Somerdai agreed, taking a seat across the table. 

"It's not like that," Rui protested. "I'm just worried about them. How could I not, after all the ridiculous stuff they've done? What if they're dead in a ditch somewhere? What if—"

"Hey, slow down," Ridley said. "Eat your honey."

Rui rolled her eyes, but did lick some off her finger. The complex taste soaked into her tongue, instantly making her feel better.

"This is cheating," she complained, but went in for another taste. 

Ridley laughed. "You should ask them to join our guild," she said. "Then you wouldn't have to look after them all by yourself."

"They won't even party with me," Rui sighed, dropping her head into her hands. "Why would they want to join an entire guild?"

\--

She stopped hunting MVPs after she realized she was looking for Ha-neul more than she was focusing on the kill. It was too dangerous to keep it up with her attention divided, and other people kept stealing them from her anyway. A few days later, she was sulking next to her brother's open shop in Al De Baran when he said, "You're scaring off all our customers with your face."

"Wow, rude," she said listlessly. She turned the page of her book, realized she hadn't absorbed anything she'd read on the page before, and started over.

"If you're going to be like this, just go home," her brother said. He reached down and flipped the top of the cart closed with a snap, closing the shop for the day. "Mother's been asking after you anyway."

Rui looked up from her book. "I guess it _has_ been a while," she said.

"Like half a year." There was a gruffness in his voice that only came out when he was worried about something. "You're annoying when you're like this, but I guess I could go with you if you wanted. It's been a while since I've gone back, too."

Rui glanced at him. He was sitting beside her, turned away with his chin propped up on his hand. Beyond him, she could see the clock tower's white walls rising in the distance, its mellow ticking echoing through the entire city. Normally she found it soothing, but now she felt like it was counting down to something, making her feel anxious. 

She picked up the edge of his alchemist's cape and fiddled with it, feeling the fur sift through her fingers. She ducked closer to drape a little of it over her head, half-hiding beneath it.

"Let's go home," she murmured.

Her brother sighed, but didn't pull away. "You're the older one, you know."

"Yeah, I know," she said. "You still can't take me one on one."

"I bet I could if I didn't let you use my potions."

"I bet you couldn't if I didn't let you use the equips I made you."

"Okay, fair," he allowed. He stood up and helped her to her feet. "Let's go find Kafra and get out of here."

\--

Rui had missed Amatsu: its long promenades lined with cherry blossoms, the humble straw rooftops, and the silent castle that loomed over the city. When others came to Amatsu, they said the air smelled like spring. To her, springtime only reminded her of home.

She'd never spent much time exploring the dungeon beneath the lakeside castle. She considered seeking out the Incantation Samurai that lived at the dungeon's heart, but felt a strange reluctance. Home wasn't about MVP hunting. It was about the relishing the taste of her mother's cooking, and competing with her brother over who could skip stones the farthest across the lake, and listening to her grandmother's stories by the hearth. A week into her visit, she accompanied her father to the merchant's guild as she used to when she was small. When he eagerly asked if this meant she was ready to follow in his footsteps and take on a guild position, she didn't answer.

Instead, she went to the guild's forges, where the guild's blacksmiths used ancient metalwork techniques unique to Amatsu. These techniques were her birthright, rare in Rune-Midgard, and part of what made her and her brother's shop so lucrative. As was common, a gaggle of tourists were clustered around the opened front doors of the forge, peering at the glowing metal rods and the clouds of hissing steam they produced as they were dunked into vats of water.

The apprentices gave her suspicious looks, imagining her an outsider, until an older blacksmith recognized her and called her forward. She soon found herself at an anvil, using a hammer to make her own merry music. The hours passed on all sorts of tasks—teaching apprentices how to fashion nails, creating bridles for the nobility's Peco Peco mounts—before she gave in to the itch in her palms and selected a weapons-grade steel rod to work with.

She worked for days, blending oridecon through the steel, pulling and folding it to form the shape. She lost herself in it, imagining offense without defense, imagining stubbornness as a refusal to yield. Even as she took breaks from the forge's heat to eat lunch outside, she was still daydreaming about how to add more strength and power, and where there should be open spaces for future card slots. 

She opened her simple bento of rice and fish and broccoli. As soon as she wiped the sweat from her forehead with her grimy hand, a shadow fell over her.

"They said I could find you here," Ha-neul said, sounding nervous.

Rui's head snapped up. "Oh! It's you!"

Ha-neul gave her a tired little smile, sitting beside her on the low bench. They had bags under their eyes, but their back stayed straight now instead of curving into an exhausted slouch. They didn't seem to have anything to say, but Rui couldn't say she was surprised.

"Do you want some lunch?" she said, gesturing to the bento.

Ha-neul shook their head. "I'm not hungry."

"Liar," Rui said between bites of broccoli. Ha-neul gave an amused snort, but didn't deny it. She picked up a piece of fish with her chopsticks and gestured at them. "Here. My mother made it this morning, try it."

Ha-neul studied her face for a moment. She imagined herself as Ha-neul must see her—soot-stained, red-faced from the fire—and felt a rush of embarrassment. They didn't seem to notice, though, and leaned down to let her place the fish into their mouth.

They chewed and swallowed. "It's good," they said.

"You can have the rest if you want," Rui says. "I'll go steal my dad's lunch. He won't stop working unless someone makes him, so making him go buy food is probably a good thing."

Ha-neul chuckled, but didn't make any move towards the food. "I've never been here," they said.

"To Amatsu? It's a long journey, isn't it?" she agreed. "Have you ever been on a boat before?"

They shook their head. "It was my first time seeing the ocean. I never knew there could be so much water in one place."

"Did you get seasick?"

"No," Ha-neul said, "I have Cure." Rui was surprised to see the slight smile that lifted the corner of their mouth.

"You're ridiculous," she said with a laugh.

"So I've been told."

When she lifted food to their mouth again, they didn't hesitate to take a bite.

\--

Ha-neul got some stares in the forge when she invited them inside, but no one said anything to either of them.

Rui knew she was breaking the rules. Outsiders were only allowed back here in very rare circumstances. But what was the point of being the guildmaster's daughter if she wasn't going to flaunt her privilege now and then? Besides, she wasn't really teaching Ha-neul anything, just putting their broad frame to better work than swinging a mace around.

Ha-neul lifted the unfinished weapon as if it weighed nothing and plunged it back into the fire. They were unable to hide a flinch at the heat, but Rui clapped them on the shoulder anyway. "That's it!" she shouted. "Now just turn it. Slowly." She gave them directions to turn and pause, her sharp eyes assessing the glowing steel as it shifted through shades of orange and gold, before she told them to pull it out. Ha-neul held it on the anvil for her as she struck with the hammer, shaping the head of the weapon into a bulbous, lopsided shape.

"This is…" Ha-neul said after a while.

"Don't name it until it's done," Rui panted. "It's bad luck."

So Ha-neul remained silent, plunging the weapon into the water to cool it. Rui assessed its shape, nodding at what she saw, and said, "I think that's enough for today. Good work!"

Ha-neul didn't respond and just gave her a long, assessing look. 

"You can't turn down a gift before I've offered it to you," she said. "It's not even done yet."

"I'm not," they replied.

Rui tossed her hair, turning away from them to hide her smile. "That's good, then."

\--

Later that evening, the two of them walked over the wooden bridge that cut across the lake. The scent of cherry blossoms was thick in the air, and they covered the water's surface with delicate white petals.

"So, long time no see," Rui said.

Ha-neul ran their fingertips over the bridge's lacquered green railing. "I took your advice," they said. "I went back to the church and talked to the bishops. They sent me on a retreat."

"Did it help?"

"I learned how to use my skills a bit better. Still only know the physical buffs, though."

"Still wanna beat stuff up?" Rui said, and Ha-neul shrugged in a way that definitely meant _yes._ She laughed. "Maybe you'll start giving me a run for my money."

She blinked at the look of discomfort that flashed across their face. She hesitated, steps slowing, but they kept walking. Petals swirled between them, briefly obscuring Ha-neul from view.

When the petals cleared, Ha-neul had turned to face her. "We're supposed to protect and heal. Those were the vows I took."

Rui nodded. 

"The bishop told me if I didn't know what to do, I should at least focus on that. And that I couldn't protect if I didn't have anything worth protecting."

"That makes sense to me," she said. "So what do you want to protect?"

Their eyes skittered away, glancing over the water. "I already protected you once," they said.

Rui's breath caught in her throat. "So if I requested that you joined my party," she said, "would you?"

"Try it and see," they said, but a nervous smile tugged at the corner of their mouth.

"And if I asked you to join my guild," she said, taking a step forward, "would you? They're good people. They'd like you. They're already curious about you because I used to complain about you messing up my flow in MVP fights all the time." Ha-neul laughed softly. "And we could always use another healer," she pressed. "Rose is the only priest we have and I think she goes crazy trying to keep us all in line."

"I'm not really a healer," Ha-neul said.

"You're not a healer, but you can Heal. You can fight. You're you," Rui said. "And who you are is good enough."

Ha-neul swallowed hard, but didn't turn away. Rui watched the expressions play across their face: regret, grief, followed by faint hope.

Rui extended her hand. "Join my party," she said.

"Okay," Ha-neul replied, and took it without hesitation.

**Author's Note:**

> **Content notes:**
> 
>   * past referenced minor character death
>   * a main character is not cis, though it is not a major plot point
>   * a character is reckless with their life in a way that codes as suicidal, but they do not engage in more overt forms of self-harm
>   * poorly navigated grief and mourning
> 

> 
> * * *
> 
> Crescent Moon guild is a reference to [Log Horizon](https://honeysanime.com/log-horizon-review-characters-we-will-change-the-world/), which you should definitely check out if you haven't already. The title is a lyric from "I Hope I'm Wrong" by Dessa. The other song I listened to while writing this (outside of Dessa's entire discography; "I'm in a mood, new shoes, and a bulletproof dress" is basically Ha-neul in a lyric) was "Ghosts of Beverly Drive" by Death Cab for Cutie. [The Harmonious Blacksmith](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mza-xqk770k) is me making a bad joke. The weapon that Rui makes Ha-neul at the end is [Stunner](http://ratemyserver.net/item_db.php?item_id=1522&small=1&back=1). All the various side characters are named after fellow players from my or my friend's old guilds. ♥
> 
> Please kudos/comment if you enjoyed; I'd love to hear feedback.


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